Have I also grown tired

 wrote this blog last october, but seemed to forget posting it… just had fun reading it again… the feeling now is sooo different yet sooo familiar…

I have a friend, a year older, who constantly complain that she no longer wants to be single and wanna be in a relationship. she even mentioned that she’s read self help books in the hopes that may be these so called "self help books" can really "help". There are times I’d listen (some words from these books are  really inspiring) but most of the time I’d be lost in my own thoughts thinking maybe what’s for lunch or dinner.

 

The major difference is that this friend has at one point already experienced true love whereas most of my experiences are one sided. Thus she is more mature in this kind of stuff. Though there are fleeting moments that I’d wonder what it would be like to have somebody but I know for a fact that my status have already become my comfort zone. I have gotten so used to being by myself that I have already become so self sufficient. I can swim alone, go to mass alone, eat alone and at one point go to hospital and be admitted alone. Though people may wonder what’s on my mind when I’m doing all these stuff… alone, believe me I am just too consumed with myself that I don’t even think much about it.

 

The one thing that’s constant though, is I no longer feel the magic and the longing of wanting somebody. The last time I felt this, is when I had a major crush in college and even imagined myself having a family with him. It is not that I didn’t try but I have at one point stalked and courted a guy because he is the only person who I’d think will suit me for the rest of my life. Pathetic as it is, I actually did not feel sorry that I did those things. Well at least I tried, dba???

 

But today… for some reason, I just yet again wondered what it would be like… haaiii!!!