How I See Myself

In 5 years I will be 30…

When I was in college and early 20s, I feared so much to be 25 as I thought by then I will be old and still lived a meaningless life. Check check double check!

When I was nearing 25 I had a panic attack since I realized I’ve never cultivated a relationship with the opposite sex and still a virgin. That’s why a few months before my birthday I flashed all my ideals to drain. Becoming the “go-getter’ in my barkada.

Now that I have become old and like expected, lived a meaningless life I again feared to be 30. I really hope when I turned 30 I did a little to my life that made it meaningful. i remember when ‘Tita Gwyneth Paltrow’ was asked (years ago) about becoming 30 she put her hands on her face and said with facial expression that she’s scared. gaahd! i can totally relate to her now.

when i look back i hope I’ve done the following:

• have a family – not just my parents and sisters but a real family with husband and hopefully i already have one kid
• love my work – not totally crazy workaholic towards my job but actually being contented and satisfied with my job i don’t want to go somewhere else
• be in perfect shape – like Jessica Alba body and hopefully by then a ‘vegetarian’ (not realistic! not realistic!

with the kind of life I’m living now am pretty sure I’ll stay in this state for the rest of my life. i have to make drastic changes but am a little lost…

I’m praying to St. Jude constantly. i really wanna know my direction. haaay!! prolly this is due to the gloomy weather…